It's common knowledge to anyone that knew me when I lived in Florida that I had plans to get out of there as soon as I could so I find it hysterical that for some reason you think I would want to go back. I find it amusing that you can still ignite this feeling that I'm not good enough. I know I shouldn't feel that way. In fact, I know that everything about you as nice as it seems is totally fake. There is not a single part of you that I don't know because I have seen all parts of you. Nice, caring, sweet and even vindictive. I used to hate you. I used to care every time you called or text me. Now I feel like I am begging you to stay away from me. I don't hate you. I'm at the point where I am tired of even letting you affect me. I'm just exhausted with you. You are a reoccurring problem who just has latched on to me. I have no idea how many times I can explain that I can not have you in my life. You make me so angry and negative. I want to scream. This summer you basically tortured me. Finding out things you did with my so called friend...to an emotional roller coaster of you wanting to be with me and I am just tired. Anyone who knows me understand how I am with you. I deleted your number, I deleted my facebook and if I could I would honestly find a way to completely eliminate you from my life, I would do it.
Part of you just seems to be unable to let me go no matter how much I ask you too. I get it, I was the first. You were mine. Who cares. I'm letting you go or at least trying too. I have moved so far away and yet you still try to pull me back in. I scream, I yell and I have made you cry. Yet for some reason you still want me. We go around in circles just hurting each other and you trying to fix things. I do not want things fixed. This was is not meant to be. It never was and it never will be. Your theories of long distance makes me laugh because I honestly would rather become a nun then every be with you again.I was never yours to have and that will not change. You were the topping on the cake. You knew how hurt I was. You knew that I had so much anger and pain. Yet, you still made it worse. When you read this, which I know you will. Please get the hint. Stop calling me, stop texting me. Persistence does not always override resistance. You will not win me over because I am not a prize. I feel like I should have known better but, there is nothing I can do about that now eh? I mean why did I think it would be smart to be with an Islander fan anyway? Potvin Sucks, I should have known! Oh to be young and naïve. You showing up randomly all the time, makes me not want to have anything to do with men. So, I decided that was smart because I am honestly way too angry to deal with them. I need to get back to giving a shit about me. I am allowed to terminate toxic relationships. I am allowed to walk away from people who hurt me. I am allowed to be angry, selfish and unforgiving I honestly don't even own you an explanation so I don't know why I am attempting to do it. Although come on, who calls and text me during Game 6 of playoff hockey....and you know that I am actually there. Twat. On a happy note, I have decided that jogging is smart. Let's see how long this last. I need to get back to being happy with myself. I actually started drinking this detox water and it taste nice so, I have replaced my juices with that. I have also been drinking lots of tea. If you thought beer peeing was bad tea pee is worse. You have to go to the bathroom all the damn time. So, Lokker and I are trying to keep each other motivated. C.C. is helping me stay on this man hiatus as of now...so let's see how this works out. I am currently making an epic playlist to jog and be happy too. Some techno and pop like shit. Not normally my kind of music but, whatever.
