I am this point in my life, where I look for things that make me forget everything else. I am literally obsessed with quotes, books and music. Anything that for a brief second makes you realize the world is yours for the taking. Everyone says they have met someone and it changed their lives. I didn't meet anyone. I think I have given up on that. I don’t want to depend on anyone. It’s just not who I am.

     I didn't walk outside and the world suddenly seemed lighter. I picked up a book and slowly came to terms with what life is. Life is a complicated. Some people have more burdens than others. Some people are so damaged that inside they feel like they have nothing. Some people just need help. I’m not one of those people. Life is goes on. It sounds cliché but, it’s the truth. I’m not going to dwell on the past. I won’t let my scars and damages control me. I can’t and you shouldn't either. If you let the past control your life, will you ever truly have a future?

     I picked up a book called Lucky years ago. The first time I read it every fiber of my being was hurt. I couldn't get over it. I became obsessed with the author. Every page was painful and morbidly fascinating. It is the hardest book I have ever read and the most honest. Alice Sebold changed my life. I will never meet her, I will never speak to her but, every word she wrote just made sense. It showed me that you can overcome the worst of tragedies. I can’t sit here and tell you that it will get better. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Sometimes everything just seems too damn hard. When things get tough, the tough start drinking. I joke about that all the time but I actually do it. It doesn't have to be alcohol. I can drink tea and just think about everything going on. I just stop. I am always constantly stressing. ALWAYS. I have learned to just stop.

     I know life is complicated and messy. I know that no matter what I do there will always be something out there that will hurt me. I accept this. I guess that’s the first step of seeing the world as it is: accepting life with all its imperfections and obstacles. I don’t profess to know everything because I don’t. I just know enough to get out of bed every day and hopefully help someone out along the way. The reality is I can give you a beautiful speech on life but, no one can pull you back from anywhere. You save yourself or you remain unsaved.

     I have no idea what tomorrow is like or the next day. I’m just like everyone else, trying to find purpose in a fucked up world. Weirdly enough, I picked up Lucky and found it. One day, I will be the best I can and help those who need it. You may have to save yourself but, it always helps to have someone encouraging you along the way.


I ALSO HAVE NO IDEA WHY I WROTE THIS. PRETTY DAMN SURE, I WAS JUST BEING MOODY. Oh well.